How Essential is Getting Yourself a Mentor?

If I could say what was the single most important thing I did as a parent of a child with disabilities, it was to find mentors. This month we will interview one of the most influential mentors I had on the free “Women Empowering Women” training on Dec 7, 2022 at 7:30pm-8:30pm. Who is she?

Carol Berman was my mentor for years. I have asked her to come and speak about her experiences with her son, Michael who is employed as a recreation therapist and is the father of two children. Her son also mentored my son who has multiple disables. Without the support she gave to me, life would have been very different!

Why get a Mentor?

As I found out more about my son’s disabilities, life came to a standstill. I did not know what to do, where to go, or how to advocate for him. Then I met Carol Berman. Carol’s son Michael was 8 years older than my son. Michael had a stroke when he was 9 months old. The stroke kicked off extensive seizures that impacted everything in Michael’s life. Michael had brain surgery to relieve the seizures but the residual disabilities from the stroke and seizures remained. The disabilities infiltrated every area of Michael’s life. He transferred to an out-of- district placement at the Craig School for most of his education. 

Carol was a true advocate for her son and spent most of her time as a coach in his corner. I watched everything she did and asked every question I could think of. Having mentors in my life helped me to get badly needed support and direction. It saved me time from making unnecessary mistakes. It relieved a lot frustration as I absorbed and learned from Carol’s mistakes and successes. Mentoring made me a much more effective parent, helped me see the forest from the trees, and most importantly gave me hope and emotional support I desperately needed when I felt like quitting. 

How Do You Pick a Mentor

The most important thing to me was to have mentors with a proven track record. I did not want advocates or mentors that talked but did not walk the walk. Carol had a proven track record. She got the services her son needed but taught me that I wouldn't get everything I wanted. She taught me to prioritize and the importance of trying to keep the relationships with those that worked with my son in good order. She used to tell me that I did not have to love the school district, but that it was essential to keep my son at the middle of every discussion. She gave me a lot of advise on advocating effectively. I asked her one time what the most important things was she did for her son. She replied, “Your son will become as disabled as you make him.” I have never forgotten that piece of advise. She never once acted with a sense of entitlement. She worked hard and earned people's respect. Her advise and life motivated me to become my best.  I also did not have just one mentor. I had mentors for different areas. Sometimes I needed people to help with school districts and other times I needed more help with  legal, social, or adult transitioning. Pick people to mentor you who walk the walk with you and that have lives and outcomes you want to emulate.

Give back what you received!

My life and my son’s changed for the better as a result of Carol and Michael. Carol and I had totally different children, but we had the same goal; high expectations and excellence for our children. Everything I learned from my mentors, I have also turned around and given it to the people I have mentored. There is no better way to learn than to teach what you know and contribute to the success of others. I wish the disability community was better at doing this, and that in addition to parent support groups, we could have good  mentoring programs for parents. 

Mentoring will empower you with wisdom, hope, and the strength to keep gong when everything is failing a part around you. Building a small network of people and finding the appropriate mentors will be what this “Women Empowering Women” training will focus on. Both Carol and Michael will be zooming in on November 7th at 7:30pm. I cannot wait to share the wealth of information they can give to all of us!